Category: motherhood

Thoughts on a tragedy

A young mom, much younger than me, died. Her oldest daughter and my youngest were in the same class years ago. Cancer took this beautiful young mom away from her three young kids.

I thought to myself, if this was me what would I want my kids to know? What would I want to leave them?

Thankfully, my kids are much older and I’ve had many years to teach, love and encourage them. But what would I have said to them when they were young, if I knew I was going to leave them on their own?

I thought about this long and hard. What jewels of wisdom could I bestow?

After a bit I realized it was the same message that I settled on as my parenting goal. Years ago, I decided the message I most wanted my kids to learn was the importance of knowing and loving God. Followed closely by the awareness of how much He loves them. The first message was most important to me. I wanted them to understand that this is a choice and an action they can take. The second, God’s love – it is there regardless of what they choose. It is a given!

All the advice I could muster was subservient to this message. Love God and know He loves you.

For my part I mourn for this lost life and for her family that has to face life without her.

Psalm 34:11 Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

By our fruit

I planted an apple tree in my front yard a few years ago. Last summer I was thrilled to get the first apple. This year nothing. It is still little so I’m assuming in time it will bear fruit. This summer there was no way to identify it as an apple tree (for non-tree experts).

The crab apple in the back yard has blossoms that look similar to any cherry blossom. And yet, it produces little tart apples. The fruit is what defines the tree.

My youngest daughter told me about a conversation she and some group members had during a class discussion. I listened as she explained everyone’s positions, what she said and on. But near the end she said something that made me sit up and take notice. After class one member of the group came up to her and asked, “Are you a Christian?” Mari said that she is. God has a way of reminding us of our greatest blessings!

Matthew 12: 33 Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit.

Treasures in my heart

My son has reached the age of milestones. We attended his graduation ceremony a couple weeks ago. It seems almost inconceivable to see this little baby of ours turn into this wonderful young man.

When he was in kindergarten I used to walk him to school; past the high school. We’d see the teenagers flood out at lunch. The day that he would attend the high school seemed a million years away and yet here we are – he is leaving that phase of life behind him.

Along the years there were moments, wonderful subtle views into his future. The day I stumbled on a book mark that he made. He was only nine or ten. It read ‘Christian in training.’ Or later popping in to say goodnight and finding him in bed reading his Bible. Or hearing him chatter about philosophy and life with his Grandpa.

Oddly enough I didn’t get emotional at his graduation. But I did get emotional when I was telling him about the moment when I understood he had become a man, and a good man at that. I tried to put voice to the feeling, but I could hardly contain my emotions.

Here is the moment when I saw the boy I raised become a man.

Several years ago, in the fall, Wes was working at the table on house plans. He got up complaining of a headache. It went down hill from there. Within an hour the paramedics were at our house and taking him away to the hospital. The kids were all awake. I asked the girls, their faces showing signs of shock and confusion, if they wanted to sleep in our bed. They did. I tucked them in and said, “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

I then went into Gavin’s little room and said, “You are in charge, son.”

He looked at me and nodded. No fear on his face, just resolve. An hour or so later I called him to make sure everything was OK. He told me not to worry that everything was fine.

He was fifteen. They had never been ‘alone’ at night. There had always been an adult with them. At this moment I saw the man my son would be. And I was filled with pride. This boy of ours has grown into a Godly and wonderful man. The sort of man who often reminds me that, “the Bible says not to worry Mom, so don’t worry.”

I don’t know what the future holds for this young man, but I pray that God will bless him and make his path smooth.

Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

Mother’s day

We need ideals. We need something to aim at. Of course having down-to-earth and encouraging relationships is important too, but we need something to look at, something to follow. Like a star guiding a sailor home to port. A guiding light in the dark.

Happy Mother’s Day to my own mother and to all the women who have guided me through the darkness of life. You are more precious than rubies to me.

Proverbs 31: 10-31
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Keeping a record

My youngest often asks me to rate her and her siblings at various tasks. “Mom, who is the best at doing the dishes?” or “Mom, am I better at this than the other kids?” I think it’s her way of differentiating herself, of finding her own identity as the last in the family. There are things that she is good at doing and I don’t mind praising her when she does something well.

The other night she asked me one of these comparison questions and I replied, “I don’t want to keep score. I don’t want to be compiling a list of things that each of you do well and poorly. I just want to recognize when you do something well and that’s it.”

She understood what I was saying and figured it made sense.

Of course after we had the conversation a scripture came to mind, a small verse, but so on the mark that it rang in my mind.

I Corinthians 13: 5 It [love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

The joy of parenting

I was not a “baby” mom. I didn’t really enjoy the baby stage. But when my kids hit the age of eighteen months or so, I started to hit my stride. I would say, “I enjoyed my kids before, but I really love the stage we are in now.” After a while I noticed the pattern. Each “stage” seemed better than the last.

I kept waiting for the hard years to hit. Not that there weren’t hard times. Six years of forcing my son to go to school wasn’t easy, but on the scale of problems that was not tragic. Of course we had lots of medical issues, but as that was not under my control I didn’t see it as a parenting issue.

Parenting is hard, specially if you are trying your best to do it well. We will all have difficult problems and hard days. But for the most part we were able to find joy in the moments. We have always laughed a lot as a family, and I think that helps.

As our kids age, I often feel overwhelmed by the joy they bring to our lives. To see them flex into the world, develop, and become the people God designed them to be is my great privilege. I think of parenting like gardening. You plant the seeds, you work the soil, you wait, you water, you try clear the weeds, you guide them as they grow, but for the most part you leave it up to God.

I am extremely grateful to God that he has spared us the pain of that comes with a rebellious child. I have witnessed this pain and I am keenly aware of the blessing we have been given. These three children, I mean growing teens, are our richest blessing and we are very thankful for them.

3 John 1: 4  I have no greater joy than to hear
that my children are walking in the truth.

Water into wine

My mom used to say that the story of Jesus turning water into wine was one of her favourite stories.

My mom loved it because Mary knew that being out of wine would embarrass the host. Mary not only knew that but she also knew that her son could fix it. She spoke to her son and he responded, “Dear woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.” (John 2: 4) Most people would have taken this as a rebuff and gone away. Mary, acting in this moment as a mother, not a follower of Jesus, did not go away or get insulted. But instead, this is what the text records; “His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” (John 2: 5)

Mary asserted herself. She knew how to solve this problem. Jesus didn’t push it, he just complied. When you look at the story it really is a very tender interlude. The beauty of the relationship can get lost in the miracle. Don’t get me wrong the miracle is amazing and important. But there is this lovely little moment between a mother and her son.

Buried in the Bible are these wonderful gems. In these moments we can see the humanity. God understands us.

Gems of motherhood

My son came out of his room a few months ago and said, “Mom can I buy a new bible?” He felt he had outgrown his ‘Boy’s Adventure Bible.’ I said, “No,” but quickly added, “It’s almost your birthday, let us buy it for you. Then we can get you a nice one.” He nodded and that was it.

We got him a nice leather bound Bible and had his name engraved on the front. A milestone gift. I still use the Bible my parents gave me when I turned sixteen. I decide to put a verse that I love with the inscription. Luke 2: 19 “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

Mary, a mother, just like me. Mary watching her child grow in wonder. Mary, the most honoured of all mothers, behaving and loving like all mothers through all time.

God understands. He shows in this simply worded verse. Mother’s are not just for feeding, clothing, loving their children. We are a repository of their lives. We are the archivists of their history. We are the vault of all their treasures.

As a mother I am not parenting the Son of God, but I can share in Mary’s wonder and treasure up in my heart the beauty of the children that God did give us.