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At the darkest times of my life this song has reminded me of my focus. While it’s not the only song I love, it has consistently given me courage.

What happens when you do that thing, or say that thing, that you should not have said? You can’t take it back. You can’t undo it. What do you do?

There is little you can do but try to make amends, apologize, and then live with the results of your mistake. We can’t undo our sin, but we can ask God to remove the burden. We can ask him to help us live with the reality of our own imperfection and our own failure. We can’t undo the damage, but we can hopefully grow and learn.

David was a “man after God’s own heart.” God loved him. And yet he was very imperfect. He fell into sin. The passage where Nathan comes to confront David has long been one of my favourite passages. It gets to the heart of how hard it can be to see sin in our own behaviour. It can sneak up on us and catch us unaware. But David, humbles himself. In doing this David becomes a very real role model for other sinners, like me.

Going through hard times does not protect you from temptation, rather it can open certain temptations. Things like pride, self pity and isolationism are among my greatest stumbling blocks. The events of the last year have been an extreme strain. I need to examine my own reactions and accept where I have failed.

But I also need to remember that this is the very reason why Jesus came to earth. It is for me he died.

I found this little video clip. I thought it was worth a watch. Taken from 2 Samuel chapter 12.

There are times when I seriously contemplate becoming a “prepper.” You know, one of those people who is ready for any outcome including the total collapse of society. If I listen to the news, or read articles about the state of our world, I start thinking about it. There is some wisdom in being prepared, like the old boy scout motto said.

There are serious obstacles to my desire to do this. The first is my super small house. We are already pretty crammed in here, so having excess stuff would be hard. I’d have to get rid of even more things. Who needs that old quilt Grandma made? Or that old wedding dress? Or those favourite books? Or that third child? (Was that too far? OK! I’d never get rid of a child. I hope they will grow up and move out any how. I just need to wait them out).

We’ve had our share of challenges over the last couple years, as I know many people have, but God has provided. I am amazed sometimes that we are here in our house and that we still have food on our table. It goes against the laws of economics!

But then I read, “Give us today our daily bread.” (Matthew 6: 11) God will provide.

And further down, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6: 19 – 21) God will provide.

God can see us through the worst situations. God can violate the laws of nature and economics. He is the law-maker.

God will provide.

Elisha was in Dothan and the King of Aram sent his army down and surrounded the city during the night. Elisha’s servant went outside and saw the city surrounded and he was afraid. “And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.” (2 Kings 6:17) 

It’s ok to feel up against the wall.

It’s ok to question God.

It’s ok to be swept away by fear.

This happens to everyone. All of us have been dismayed. All of us have been afraid.

Lately I pray, “God help me see. Help me see your hand. Hold a lamp on my path so I can see you leading me.” I pray like this now because I must. It is what stands between me and hopelessness.

I used to think that praying for a sign was wrong. Jesus said, “A wicked and adulterous generation looks for a sign, but none will be given it except the sign of Jonah.” (Matthew 16: 4) I always assumed this passage meant that it was wrong to ask God for a sign. Maybe it is. Maybe I’m not understanding. But perhaps there is a difference in demanding a sign and asking for God to open your eyes.

I can demand that my husband bring me flowers and show his love for me. Or I can open my eyes to the way he already shows his love. I can choose to appreciate that he makes my coffee in the morning. I can notice that he will be the one to pump the gas in the cold of winter. I can tune my heart to read all the tiny ways he shows his love. Or I can make demands and ask him to prove his love by more overt signs.

In praying this way to God I’m asking him to help me see his hand. Asking that he remove the scales come from my eyes. Maybe I’m opening myself to him? I am asking him to change me.

He is everlasting. He is good. He is the I AM. I am the one that needs to change and see.

It doesn’t matter what side of the Covid issue you are on; we are all suffering. Maybe in different ways and maybe for different reasons, many of us are feeling a sense of dismay.

People seem to be coping in different ways. Who knew that making bread and getting a dog would be the manifestations of collective stress?

How can we boost our spirits?

There are the obvious ways, call a friend. CALL them, don’t text or email. Hearing the voice of someone you love is therapeutic. Call a friend and laugh a bit. Laughter is food for the soul.

Use social media ruthlessly. I unfollow anything that clouds my horizon. That CBC article that pops up, I don’t just scroll past it, I unfollow them. Try to keep the images and ideas coming before your eyes positive. I’m not saying live in denial. Just try reduce the access that the world has to you. We have so many entry points into our thoughts. The radio (if you are old school), the tv, the computer, the phone, the tablet, the neighbour… the list goes on. Try to clean up your life a bit and reduce the negative inputs.

Use these sites for positive inputs. I love to find hymns on YouTube and let them play in the background while I work. I also listen to theological podcasts.

I follow sites that bring lovely images to my eyes. I’m a very visual person. Instagram is full of these kinds of sites. I follow a Russian handicraft site – oh my goodness, such lovely creations. It inspires me! On Facebook I’m in a birders of Zimbabwe group (it’s a long story). Find a birder group. Birds in the wild are the most amazing creatures. Not in the house, birds in houses are creepy!

Based on the popular response, have a dog. Dogs are amazing! They help you live in the moment. They are completely unaware of anything but right now. I refer to my dog as my “menopause therapy” dog. Right now, he’s whining with delight because he got a new toy. Really! If only we could be like that. Helps put it all in perspective somehow.

The other night I took a virtual tour of St. Petersburg by going to google maps and using the street view. I scrolled up and down the beautiful streets of this old city. I even found a church that I could go into and scroll around. It was like virtual travel!

Finally, find ways to have fun at home. Locked up with the same people for such a long period of time, it could make a person go crazy! We are just not accustomed to this in our day. Find ways to have fun. Think about our forbearers on the prairies. They would have had long days, particularly in the winter where they would be stuck in the same house with the same crowd. They found ways to entertain each other and make each other laugh. Do more of that.

These are a few of my ideas. What are yours? Leave a comment and tell me how you’ve been coping.

We will give this another go, second Saturday in February. I will email those who are following the blog. If you have followed the blog through wordpress and want to be included in the email list please email me at roberta.davis@silverwords.ca. I can’t retrieve contact information for you if you are following through a wordpress account. If you email me I’ll manually add you to my list.

When my children were little, I would plan outings for them. Usually something simple. I’d think of what they would enjoy and then I’d plan a day that allowed for them to have fun. I’d think of where to go, who we’d go with, and what we would do. I’d pack up all the necessities and make sure they had everything they needed. They just needed to show up.

Most times it went well. My kids are easy to please. They are normally flexible and easy to engage. But every now and again it would go sideways. Someone, it could be anyone (even occasionally mommy) would be obstreperous. For some reason, a child would be sulky, refuse to engage, be too frightened or just plain difficult.

As a parent, you can sit back and look at the opportunity that they are missing. You can see their attitude derailing their fun. It was hard not to be angry. But they, for whatever reason could not see it. There was an obstacle in their way, and they could only see the negative. Sometimes it was imaginary troubles, sometimes it was real. Like a kid getting their shoes wet at the start of a hike and then complaining the whole way. Or someone would get hurt and feel sorry for their little selves.

I realize that I can be like this too.

Earlier this year we had a plan. A plan that would be good for our family. A plan that would help me feel like we were moving on from this whole stroke business. But that plan didn’t happen. It isn’t that it had a bad result or just didn’t work the way I wanted. No, it was just dead. Nothing!

We scrambled to find a new plan. I was furious with God. Really mad! I had managed EVERYTHING that life had thrown at me. I had proceeded one step at a time. I had stepped forward toward the goal line, slowly believing God would meet us in our mess. He didn’t.

It was by far the angriest I’ve ever been in my life. I’m sure God was frustrated with me too. I wasn’t easy to love at that point.

Now as I look back, with a bit of a different viewpoint. Watching all the chaos in the world around us. Now aware that God had a different way of providing for us. He did provide – in unexpected ways.

It is starting to look like he had our best interest in mind from the beginning. I could be wrong as the road ahead is still obscured. But… I can see more positives now than I could in the summer.

Today I went where all admitted questioners of God should go – to Job. After pages of questioning, crying, bad advice and council from man, God finally speaks to Job.

Job 38: 1-3 Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm. He said: “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me. Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundations? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!”

Holy Thundering Clouds! That would have been scary. God is talking to Job like a parent talks to a child who can’t see the whole picture, or a teenager caught sneaking in late at night. He is bigger. He created it all. He is I AM!

I need to remember that! I need to remember in whom I put my trust.

We all set goals. Sometimes we fail.

Honestly, I fail a lot.

When I started this blog, I set a goal of writing 5 out of 7 days per week. A high bar. But in addition to writing I determined I wouldn’t just write chatty life bits. But rather I’d write something of meaning. I’d try write the kind of thoughts I think are worth sharing.

Last week I failed. By a lot.

Years ago, when I had decided to improve my eating habits, I had a revelation. My goal can be a guide not a rule book. If I fail and eat too much chocolate one day then for that day I failed, but tomorrow is a new day. Each day is a fresh start. Falling off the wagon yesterday is not a reason to quit today.

In that spirit I’m here to write. Today I’m showing up. Even though I failed last week. I might not fail this week. Today is a new day.

I am learning to be patient and to forgive myself. If you are like me this is one of life’s hardest lessons.

I found these recordings on Youtube. I believe they are available on Audible also.

Listen to this if you have time. Let it sink in. We worship the man whose sandals we are not fit to tie.