The hard road to gratitude

This morning Wes and I watched the latest Youtube sermon by Tim Pippus. He used a text from Genesis 28. The text really spoke to my heart. While I of course enjoyed Tim’s sermon, the verse was even more powerful. This single verse encapsulates how I feel looking back over the events of the last year or so. (I’ve included the link to his sermon below.)

In Genesis 28 Jacob left to go to Haran and he found a place to spend the night. During the night he had a dream where God showed him the blessings he would bring to his descendants. (rough paraphrase) Then this verse – Genesis 28: 16 Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.”

We have never, by material standards had an easy go of life. Money has always been scarce. We have had serious health challenges to manage and yet, here we are. When I look back at the struggles we’ve had, maybe softened by time, I don’t see the individual obstacles I see the wide vista. G.K. Chesterton said, “One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak.”

Just a little over a year ago, my husband, best friend, and the rock of my life, had a stroke. He was working at the table and got up and said, “I have a headache.” He rarely gets headaches so it got my attention. Things declined rapidly and about an hour later EMS was at our house.

I was now facing the largest mountain of my life. My life lay in ruins around me. Messy ugly ruins. All I could do was pray! That was all I had left. Just so there is no confusion these were not pious careful prayers. Nope. They were ugly, beggarly, angry prayers. I would have put any irate toddler to shame.

I had no strength. Nothing. I was laid bare. Empty. I couldn’t fathom what to do next. The only thing I could muster was taking the very next step. I couldn’t plan further, think further or see further. Just the next thing. The very next step.

The whole year just seemed to add trouble onto trouble. For those of you who think the Covid crisis has been too much imagine adding it to the mountain of insurmountable challenges we were already facing. Just another THING!

And yet, now a little over a year later, I can look back at the path we’ve climbed. We are by no means at the top, but we’ve come a long way and the path while rocky and steep is behind us.

It is from this vantage I can see God’s hand. I can see the whispers of his presence. I can spot the moments where an answer to prayer sustained us. God has been there, even when we couldn’t see him for the obstacles.

God was here even though we did not know it.