Fear of a bad outcome

My son had an issue in Junior High with another boy. He had known this boy since kindergarten, and they had been on again off again friends. The other boy left the school for a couple years and then came back. My son invited him into his friend group and before he knew what was happening this other boy was picking on him. Subtly, but acting in an aggressive and dismissive way.

Through school events and play dates etc., I knew this family, knew this boy’s parents. I didn’t see the situation as strange or mystifying. This young man was feeling awkward and desired the position of well-liked kid that my son occupied. It seemed to me that he was trying to replace my son by pushing him out.

I was walking to school with my son one morning, and he expressed his concern with the escalating bullying. I asked what he feared. He said being hit. I acknowledged this fear and then I explained what I saw as the psychology of the situation. I told him that I didn’t think this boy would hit him. He was acting out of jealousy and therefore needed to be subtle in his behaviour. If he hit my son all those other kids he wanted to be friends with would be angry with him, and he would suffer the social consequences of this act. I also then added, that he would only do it once, cause I know his parents and I’m not afraid of them (my inner mamma bear leaked out).

I suggested that he firmly tell him to back off.

Later he told me that he did what I suggested and that the other boy did indeed back off.

How much of what we do or, even more importantly, don’t do, is based on a feared outcome?

We fear one outcome while sometimes not even being aware of another far worse outcome. I wanted my son to understand that it would be worse for him to continue to be angry and upset at being bullied than it would being hit once. Of course, I wouldn’t have suggested this in another situation where it could have been dangerous. But I knew this family and I felt confident of being able to resolve a solution with the parents if need be.

This story came to my mind when I read this verse last week. We fear men and the powerful and what they can do to us. How often do we fear the creator?

Matthew 10: 28 “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”